Senator, where’s my donkey?
I think it’s time to find out the
senator representing my constituency. A senator representing Kaduna
Central Senatorial District, distributed camels, cows and other
foodstuffs to people recently, so I need to find my senator and ask
where to take delivery of my own camel. But I may collect instead so it
can help with some of my loads as it accompanies me to the office. No!
No! No! I need to think about this carefully. Maybe what I need is a
hunting dog that can accompany me to the forest and kill wild fowls,
squirrels and rabbits that I can sell. I guess that will be better. But
since there are no forests in Lagos, I may have to head to Ijebu in Ogun
State to hunt down bush pigs with my dog; well, when I’m able to get
one.
But isn’t it strange that our
poli-tricksters have reduced governance to the distribution of camels
and donkeys in Nigeria now? Meanwhile, this senator has been bragging
that: “some shared chickens, some shared rams, some shared goats, some
shared pigs, some shared nothing, I choose to share camels!!!” What
nonsense!
And even when someone tweeted at him
that he did “not stand on queue in the scorching sun of April to vote
for you so you may distribute camels.”
The arrogant senator tweeted back to say, “I don’t think I’ve ever reached out to you for votes.”
Sums up the kind of people we vote into positions of authority in this country.
But can you blame them; it’s their interpretation of dividends of democracy. After all, we saw a gomina invest
‘heavily’ in stomach infrastructure last year in the form of live
chickens. So we can’t say the senator has done something new under the
sun- it’s simply what our poli-tricksters have reduced the people to.
Osun workers to Osun beggars
And speaking of humiliating people, the
Osun man has very few equals. Ironically, he was the man widely praised
by many for taking education and infrastructural development in his
state to the next level with Opon Imo and wide roads. But it seems he failed in the simplest task of understanding his priorities.
Today, the man has turned his people to
beggars, waiting for dole-outs from churches. Well, let’s just say a
‘church’ since it’s only one church that has turned up so far to give
out foods to workers being starved by the gomina the masses queued in the sun to vote into office.
Well, some people have questioned the
church’s aim, saying making it a press affair turns it into a PR stunt.
But let’s not dwell on that too much, let’s appreciate that it has done
something. After all, we know what some churches have been busy doing.
Fighting!
For instance, we know how some pastors
of a church with the name -Assemblies — have been turning worship
services to boxing matches over who controls the 27 Mount Street Parish
of the church in Enugu.
Till now, we ask ourselves who the
church’s General Superintendent is- Emeka or Okoroafor? Oh! Forgive me,
gentlemen, I must have mistakenly omitted the title of ‘Reverend’ you
both parade.
Apologies
In other news, it is said that when
someone unplugs your phone, whose battery level is at 3 per cent to
charge his which has 97 per cent battery level, run (Usain Bolt style)
because he is capable of killing you.
If this word of wisdom from your tataafo
doesn’t teach you anything, let it open your eyes to know the enemies
of the masses. You might want to run as far as you can from people like
the former Jigawa gomina, who has been having lengthy discussions with
the EFCC. If you remember, the man was detained along with two of his
sons, said to have also been accused of putting some taxpayers’ Naira
and Kobo into their pockets.
But when you think you have seen or
heard it all, someone just utters a word that confounds you and brings
you back to Planet Earth.
After spending a few days in detention
with his sons, the man has been asking for their forgiveness for causing
their detention. Eavesdropper figures the man should be apologising to
the people in his state instead of his sons.
Since the sons are multi-millionaires,
eavesdropper’s guess is that there will be no need for any apologies.
Shebi, oga has made them rich from the loot.
Abi, I don’t think that Baba Sikira, the
vulcaniser in my area, would mind spending a few days in detention too
if he would get to keep loads of cash afterwards.
Joblessness, a curse
If you’re employed in Nigeria today, be
grateful. There are a lot more people out there who are jobless and will
do anything to keep busy like comparing how Obama shook hands with GEJ
with how he recently did with PMB. They even compared pictures of how
GEJ’s entourage was welcomed at the airport with how PMB’s was received.
From the pictures, some of these jobless but self acclaimed analysts
could even deduce that the US accorded more respect to one Nigerian
leader than the other.
*Shakes head* You see, the lesson
eavesdropper takes from this is that he will no longer question any data
that says a certain number of Nigerians are jobless.